"Actually, trying is all there is. To me!"
"Do or do not; there is no try."
Upon the whitewashed brick walls above rows of lockers sat this quote in my high school. One amongst many throughout the building, this quote always stood out as the only one from any sort of modern media, something most high schoolers could quote without a trip to the computer lab to google it. To anyone who passed it, I'm sure it was meant to inspire them to push further and "do" instead of diminishing their efforts into a "try" mode.
Man, do I think that quote sucks ass.
Now, I'm not going to wax poetic about how both fun and awful high school was for myself and others. I get it, no one cares. But that was always something that stuck with me over 10 years later, just how ill the whole sentiment really seemed. What the hell are you saying, you green scrotum dollar store zen master...of course there is "try". Trying is everywhere, shit, it even has antonyms last time I checked. What was even the point of this? To enact some strange masculine hero's journey flavored pressure onto someone? Of course, I'm sure it has some amazing context that makes it the quote of the century, but my real beef comes from the idiot who decided this was going to hold on it's own without any context for a bunch of high school kids that just want to go home and play World of Warcraft and start poking wars with their friends on Facebook. This statement devoid of context is a weak attempt to add some abstract hip-ness to an otherwise forgotten hallway of the school.
Let me tell you something; trying is great...dare I say sacred? I've been really living for this whole "trying" thing these days and it's paid off well. Like I said, I'm not sure who needed Yoda's advice in the real world. I've lived a life horrified of failure; it's very idea the main source of my overclocked anxiety muscles for years. So many well meaning people giving the worst encouragement they could ever give, "you're not a failure, you're really great! You're gonna do so well! Just try harder!". Advice that does nothing but ensure just how right I was in my crippling fear of failure: Failure is the worst you can do and shameful, if you fail there must be something very wrong with you as a person, failure is what losers do, and if you don't try you don't fail, and not trying is better than failure. All of these things made true with the inability to understand that failure and trying are usually one in the same, and are not bad things. Failure and trying are amazing things we should celebrate with ourselves and our peers. Trying teaches you so much, and gives you experience. So does failure. It's incredible how simple and yet extremely elusive this whole concept was for the first years of my adult life. I didn't want to fail at anything anymore because I hated how it always meant people treated me as lesser than before, especially from the people close to me. I wanted to succeed and be seen as someone who achieved things. I hated how low the failure made me feel, and how logical it felt to assume one who fails often must be a failure. And perhaps that is true, but I just wish someone had the courage to say the OTHER part of that truth, which is that being a failure must be pretty awesome, because it meant you didn't let it stop you from trying. I let the inner and outer demons win on that one, and became failure-phobic in such a way it hurt my livelihood. For years I had to finally learn to convince myself that even if I suck, even if no one likes me anymore, and even if I never achieve anything again that's not just okay, but fully lovable and acceptable. And that's the type of mindset that motivates me! Oh Susan, there is a "try"! And he loves us and wants us to be happy! And I become better and better the more I practice this way of thinking! You'll never succeed if all you care about is success. You'll never win until you embrace and enjoy losing. Perhaps the true zen lies in the duality of it all. You'll never get the black without the white, and so forth. Not that I'm a guru or anything. High Yoda Quote sure isn't, and he made it on an entire wall, so I think I'll let my thoughts be published too.
Recently I've had this mindset challenged a bit, as I've been just starting out in the MMORPG Guild Wars 2. I'm not giving a full review here but I like it so far and I'm thinking I'll buy the full account soon. I'm a bit over level 40 so I'm halfway to max level. People in here are really nice, just normal folks looking for a good time and what else can you really ask for? Anyways.
I'm given, like most games like this, full control over where I travel in the map. This means no matter how weak I might be, if I want to run through 1 hit KO valley, I can do that. And considering the consequenses of death are pretty mild, I flirt with death a lot in this game! It's actually a rather interesting approach because I haven't done it like this before. I try to sort of test the waters of an area before I just run in and start hitting things. Usually a creature is hanging out in the bottle neck of a dungeonlike area, I lure him out and see just how well I can hold my own against him, as most stuff inside is of the same type. It's been a pass and fail, but it's always fun and it's shot my level up faster than any playing it safe would have. I've been allowing myself to suck and be new at this. I ask questions, I jump into events and do what I can. I have learned so much from being reckless and unafraid of seeming like a tactless noob. Honestly, isn't that what I am? Is it so wrong to be that for a while? I've been met with kind and helpful people and I'm having the most fun I've had in what...10 years? I used to play games with my exes and other people I knew in person, and it was a mild time at best. Honestly, the people in my past just haven't measured up to the strangers online in this way, probably because these ARE strangers, people I don't have to overthink my words with or try to maintain something with. "Running into random nice people" has been my favorite thing since I was a toddler, and I am proud to say I haven't lost that part of me. I'm getting a chance to do that every time I log in, and I think that's why I keep coming back. I'm not rushing myself, or following some hardline rule of making sure I level up quickly and finish my character's meta storyline, or anything like that. Goals are overrated fun killers for me. My goal is to wander about and explore, and it's been pretty well rewarded so far. I'll attach meaning when I find it.
I guess instead of goals you can say I have some hopes. Mostly, I hope I can add some friends on there in my contacts list, just to have someone to maybe talk to or join a random event for or somthing, nothing serious but just companionship for the sake of it with no obligation to anything. I suppose I will never be fit for a guild, but who knows what the future holds for me. I hope to gain a mount, I'm sure that's a pretty standard thing everyone wants though. Once St Patty's day is over I'll change my outfit from being so green lol...I like a reason to change my look.
What's something that taught you something, that you wouldn't expect to have a valuable message? Please answer in the comments below!
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